i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
