I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
