ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
