I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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