you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
