names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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