My liver just broke up with me...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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