Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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