You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
