I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
