i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
