I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
