He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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