I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just cropdusted the office
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
