when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
