Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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