Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
