I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
