Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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