I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
