Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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