remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
