My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
