get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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