Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
