I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
