I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
