Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
