So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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