I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
