she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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