Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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