He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
