literally had 100 drinks last night.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
