and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
