omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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