the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
