My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
