need another drink. this is the easiest way
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
