just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
