...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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