Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
