So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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