you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
