Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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