i would punch a child for taco bell
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
