I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize