he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
