I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
