so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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