so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just gargled with NyQuil
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
