Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
