Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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