don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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