What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
