I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
