The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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